C G# C C G# C C G# C G# C G# C [verse] C G# C Backside melts into the sofa C G# C My world my TV and my food C G# C G# Besides listening to my belly gurgle C G# C There ain't much else to do C G# C Yeah, I sweat a lot C G# C Oh... Shit... C G# C G# Pants fall down every time I bend over C G# C My feet itch G F# G Yeah I married a scarecrow C G# C [Chorus] A Bm D A I hate you A Bm D A Talkin' to myself A A# Bm D A Everybody's staring at me A Bm G A I'm only bleedin' [Verse] C G# C Someone taps me on the shoulder every 5 minutes C G# C No one speaks English anymore C G# C G# Would anybody tell me if I was getting stupider? C G# C [Chorus] A Bm D A I hate you A Bm D A Talkin' to myself A A# Bm D A You don't feel it after awhile A Bm G A You take the beating [Bridge] F D I'm a swingin' guy C F Throw a belt over the shower curtain rod D And swing C Toss me inside a hefty F G And put me in the ground [Verse] C G# C A drink needs me C G# C I don't C G# C G# I ain't about to guzzle no tears C G# C So kiss my ass G F# G Newscasters, cockroaches, and desserts C G# C [Chorus] A Bm D A I hate you A Bm D A Talkin' to myself A A# Bm D A Everybody's staring at me A Bm G A I'm only bleeding [Verse] C G# C Where are the kids? I don't know C G# C Maybe getting pregnant or on drugs or on welfare, on top of the world C G# C G# on the honor roll on parole On the dodgers on the backs of milk cartons C G# C On stakes in the middle of cornfields C G# C On covers of future history books on old lady's mantles C G# C Walkin' on water nailed on crosses C G# C I think it's time I had a talk with my kids C G# C G# I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me C G# C You ain't never gonna amount to nothin'